Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
