just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
