All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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