he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
