so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
