R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
