I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
