Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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