im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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