I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
