She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
