Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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