My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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