There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
