I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
