Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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