I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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