Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
