I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
