i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
