did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
