We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
