the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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