I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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