Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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