Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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