nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
