it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
