are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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