I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
