She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
