What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
