is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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