I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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