i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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