Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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