just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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