I just saw a hot homeless man
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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