All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
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