My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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