She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I bet he comes in French.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
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