I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
