I accidentally burped into my bong.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
