hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
...so i touched it.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
