I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
