It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
