do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
someone owes me an orgasm
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
