Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
