Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
