apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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