Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Randomize
