I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
