Just took my morning after pill in the library
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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