So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
