i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
